Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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