I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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