I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
