Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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