Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
