let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
