upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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