The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
