I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
