Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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