Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
