The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
