when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
