you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
