i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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