I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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