he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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