Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
