Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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