i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
