my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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