fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
