There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
