my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My vagina is officially offended.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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