My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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