I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm both gender and math confused
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
