Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
