I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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