The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
