dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
