You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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