Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
