lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
