I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
