The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Mom said you looked used
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
