sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
