thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
