I wanna bring you to show and tell
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
