Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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