worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
