Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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