omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i think im in europe. pls send help
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
