Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
