I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize