yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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