Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
