What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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