It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
