Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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