Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
