I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So much rum. So many feels.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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