the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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