Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
