I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
