New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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