your parents love me but you hate me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
accomplished twins. life is a go
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
