No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
