turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
