If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
