Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
