She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
