i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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