When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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