the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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