thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
