I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Banned from zoo.
Again?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
