the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
