just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
