fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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