he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
