I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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