im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
