my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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