Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
