Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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