Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
