I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
