1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
