As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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