So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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