Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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