I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
