just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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