Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
