Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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