eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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