It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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