my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
