I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
